I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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