I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
