my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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