im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
