im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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