i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We are all done wearing pants today
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