so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
