Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
