Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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