I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
honey bunches of taint.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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