So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
