On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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