I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
