idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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