Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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