I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
