You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
