he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
