I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
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So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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