all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
