I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We have started to decorate penises.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
