now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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