Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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