he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
