i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
