I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
