: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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