I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
