I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
