somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize