And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize