So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
