Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
