i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
