Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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