I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
love makes seman taste better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize