I think i peed on brittanys purse
She even gives head with a lisp.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
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All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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