I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
