last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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