I think I just saw someone hide a body.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
