how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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