I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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