dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
