i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
