he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
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Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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