So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
