three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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