He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize