You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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