just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
