he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
