feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.