You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?