I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.