There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
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Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?