Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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