bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
