I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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