i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
