but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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