you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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